March 21st

Posted: March 29, 2013 in Uncategorized

Dear journal,

The study party seemed successful, although it got off to a bumpy start when I was given a pretty strange “you are serving me vegetables?” glare from one of the students; however, the veggie tray was completely empty by the time everyone left, and I refilled the tea pot a couple of times to keep them caffeinated, so hopefully it was a productive meeting.

One of the invitees was a pretty good looking guy, and I couldn’t help but notice how close Mandy was sitting to him. Perhaps there is some chemistry there, despite what subject they were actually studying (English literature, I think; I tried to make myself scarce because I felt like an over-enthusiastic house Mom every time they watched me come into the room to refill the tea pot). The girls introduced everyone when they arrived, but I’m really bad at names. I want to say it was Justin, but I might have to wait to see if the girls talk about their days to see if that name pops up or I made it up.

In any case, they are a hundred times happier looking that when they first arrived, for which I am grateful. I cannot imagine that it would be easy to move to a new town and new school in your last few years of public education, but when you add on top of that the fact that they lost their families, I think they are adjusting really well. I’m glad that made it out together; that is likely why they are doing so well. It is as though they have a small piece of their hometown and their upbringing with them at all times, and they can still think back on the good occasions of their lives through private jokes and stories instead of just remembering how everything ended. It must be almost like having a sister.

My run today went well, although I blanked and completely forgot my water bottle, which forced me to cut the session shorter than usual. My eyes also kept being drawn to the woods were Andrew was staying when he first got to town, but I didn’t see so much as a pigeon come out of there, let alone any indication that he was in there. He’ll come back when he is ready. We all cope differently, and some people need more time than others. There is no way to force someone through trauma recovery – Rick taught me that all anyone can really do is listen and assist the person in being able to talk through their troubles. I’m not saying that I want to make Andrew reveal his secrets to me, but I would listen if he needed a friendly ear. He told me about his family, after all, which must have been cathartic, even if it brought up tough memories.

Who knows if he even wants my help? Who knows if he would even take my help if it was offered? I don’t know what it is about him that makes me feel so off-kilter, but I’m glad he didn’t take me up on the offer to try dating again, because even though he can make me feel safe and wanted, most of the time I just feel unstable, like I don’t know where I stand or what to do. I’m fine with being his friend, but it’s good that deeper emotions aren’t being utilized. I’m not lonely anymore, with my house load of tenants. Now that I have had my post-breach hissy fit and gotten over that depression, I’m pretty happy with how my life is going. I know that sooner or later I will crave adventure again, but that’s just the way things go. I can always make time for a new, exciting hobby, if I can ever figure one out that will make me feel like I am doing something adventurous, but staying within the town walls. Maybe I could organize some sort of running club – not the height of adventure, but it would be fun and I would meet new people while helping them get passionate about my hobby.

Always,
-Miriam

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