February 6th

Posted: February 6, 2013 in Uncategorized

Dear journal,

I managed to get myself out of bed early and went for a run. I felt really out of practice, but once I finished I felt really good about myself. A long shower in my newly cleaned en suite helped work the kinks out of my muscles, and I timed it so I was able to grab my clothing right out of the drier, still nice and warm. It was such a refreshing feeling that I felt completely ready to take on the day. First on the list was taking a few more bags to the centre, and then I decided to finally go see the aftermath of Kevin’s attack – to pay my respects, I suppose. The Recovery Team must have cleaned up all the debris from the outside and put up the boards over the smashed windows and door, but I was still able to peek inside.

The interior of the shop is still a complete mess, and I could even see dried blood on the floor and one of the walls. I guess it falls to Kevin’s family to clean it up, or whoever ends up taking over the space. It is so weird to think that not only will I not be working there anymore, but I can’t even pop in to say hello or order a smoothie. I guess the grief is hitting me in stages, because I thought I’d dealt with it, but seeing the space in ruins brought on a new wave of sadness. I decided the only cure would be lunch at the diner, to just ease myself from the sorrow back into a productive mind frame. I didn’t even think about my last diner meal until I had already left – I must be over the rage I felt at Andrew.

The diner was busier than I am used to, so I had fun sitting in my corner booth and people watching. It seemed to be mostly people who work in the area who just wanted to grab a quick, hot meal before going back to the grind. One woman came in with a little girl who must be too young to go to school, and she was remarkably well-behaved. I couldn’t hear much of their conversation, since they were all the way on the other side of the diner, but she wasn’t one of those kids who gets up and runs around the restaurant because her attention span is at its end.  Perhaps it had to do with the colouring book her Mother unloaded on her when they arrived. She must have gone through 4 or 5 different pages while they were there. I enjoyed watching the scene so much that I had a few too many refills on my coffee and now I think I’ll be up rather late tonight.

The upper floor is completely clean now. Someone could move into my old room today if I were ready to start taking people in. I’ve cleared a couple more stacks from the dining room, but have come to the pessimistic realization that not a lot of the things Mother stored in that room are very useful to me. The impatient part of me just wants to bag it all up to go on the curb, but it’s not as though I have a time limit, so I might as well do this right. It is going to be nice to be able to set a proper-sized table for dinner, instead of the tiny side table I’ve always used in the kitchen, which can seat 3 at most, if it were really necessary.

This makes me want to make an effort to have enough people in my circle of friends to host a dinner party in that dining room. I guess I really am getting lonely, and as much as I hated working the cash machine at work, I’m missing that social interaction so much that I want to host dinner parties.



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