January 24th

Posted: January 24, 2013 in Uncategorized

Dear journal,

Still no signs of Andrew, but I haven’t heard of any breaches either, so I guess he’s safe and where he wants to be. I’m not going to pretend I’m not hurt, but I’ll live on. I always have, and I always will, until something kills me.

Which brings up an interesting point – I wonder how I’ll die. I’m not saying I want it to happen any time soon (come on, I only knew him a couple of weeks, I wouldn’t do something so drastic because of a boy), but with the current state of living, people tend to either die during an attack, or very rarely of illnesses we cannot treat (cancer, or someone has a stroke and isn’t found in time). Will I be one of the countless to live to an old age, or will I be taken out by zombies? If the damn things were quick about it, I guess it wouldn’t be the worst way to go – assuming I didn’t see it coming – but from what I’ve heard it isn’t always quick. And then there is the whole becoming a zombie and killing other people – that I would hate (if I were still able to feel emotions).

Old age – that’s the cause of death I’m looking for. I figure it is a pretty good goal.

Aaaand I’ve just realized how horribly depressing this entry is, so let’s focus on rainbows and puppies to see if we can turn this around…

At least now I can say that I’ve kissed a boy before. I still haven’t rounded the bases, but I’ve never been in a rush to do that, so that doesn’t matter. I could even stretch the truth and say that I’ve lived with a man before, although it’s not as though I have a thriving social life in which these topics are discussed.

I ran this morning, before going to work (don’t worry, I showered, too). I made it a point not to look at the woods. If he was in there and wanted to talk to me, he would have to meet me half way. Damnit, how did this become about Andrew again!?

I think I’m getting a little faster. Maybe I should bring a watch next time, and start timing my laps. That way I’ll know for sure. I figure if I can make this routine, I’ll be another step closer to that old age goal we discussed earlier.

Work wasn’t too slow, which is another step in the right direction. I have no idea what the boss did, but I didn’t spend nearly as much time leaning on the counters, watching the windows. I didn’t even feel like writing on my break, which usually gives me some form of entertainment. To tell the truth, I didn’t feel like writing at all, but I think it has become habit, and since I have come this far, I would hate to give up now. I just wish I had fun, awesome and exciting things to write about – things that had to do with me and not someone I met who suddenly doesn’t want anything to do with me. If only I could go for an adventure – but that would be a step in the wrong direction for the old age goal. I wouldn’t be able to survive knowing that at any second I could be attacked and killed by a zombie. I’d hate myself even more, likely as I was just passing out for the last time, that now I will be a monster that someone else has to kill to save their own life and make it one step closer to their own age goal.

So I stay here, and I stick to myself. Old age seems pretty far away when you think of it that way.



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